Not Much to Say

I haven't had much to say this week. Been kindof a sad week with my friend Anne's surgery and all. Been having some weird dreams, they're kindof cyclical....they seem to happen around Holidays and my kid's Birthdays. Humm, I seem to remember Phil's birthday is the 23rd. Sheesh, he'll be 33. Yes, the feelings of loss are still there. What with my sister having like 7 grandkids and 2 practically living there and my other closest brother is going to be a grandparent for the first time this Fall. Thinking about all the excitement of showers, knitting baby hats, wondering if it'll look like them. It reminds me that I have not experienced the full cycle of life as I would've. Yes, there are those that would say...you lucked out, not having teenagers under your roof, no college bills, didn't have to pay for a wedding or mess with all the harange and conflict that goes with it. And grandchildren, well they are noisy and spoiled. It's not all it's cracked up to be. I would've liked the opportunity to make my own observations.

Yep, there's still a certain meloncholy and feelings of loss I cope with. Is there still an undercurrent of anger? Yes, at times. But I try to deal with as soon as I recognize it, or try to catch myself in the process (sometimes I'm not successful at that). Like the other day, a guy jumped out of his car because I nicked his bumper with the fender of the van pulling out of a store. He said "what the F--- are you doing!!" Man, I yelled at him like I was out of my mind. "Don't yell at me you creepy disrespectful, punk". His bumper was fine and he drove away, squeeling his 80's Mustang tires. Jerk.

I also like to take things at the shop that have chips in them and smash them on the ground, laughing at all the broken pieces. It reminds me of what my life used to be like. And how God put it back together again. Good therapy.

I don't obsess about my kids like I used to. I try to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (IICor 10:5) and put a godly, thankful twist to it.

There, I guess I've said alot anyways. Whew, that feels better already.